How does assertiveness affect communication

Yet being trained in assertive communication actually increases the appropriate use of this sort of behaviour. It enables us to swap old behaviour patterns for a more positive approach to life. I've found that changing my response to others be they work colleagues, clients or even my own family can be exciting and stimulating. Learn to be More Assertiveness Quickly and Easily! There are many advantages of assertiveness skills in communication, most notably these:.

Others may not approve of this style of communication, or may not approve of the views you express. Also, having a healthy regard for another person's rights means that you won't always get what YOU want. You may also find out that you were wrong about a viewpoint that you held. But most importantly, as mentioned earlier, it involves the risk that others may not understand and therefore not accept this style of communication. Assertive behaviour in communication is definitely NOT a lifestyle!

It's NOT a guarantee that you will get what you want. There are, as I see it, four choices you can make about which style of communication you can employ. Sarcastic, deceiving, ambiguous, insinuating, manipulative, and guilt-inducing.

There are six main characteristics of assertiveness skills in communication. A level, modulated tone is more convincing and acceptable, and is not intimidating. How, where and when you choose to comment is probably more important than WHAT you say. Part of being assertive involves the ability to appropriately express your needs and feelings. You can accomplish this by using "I" statements.

These indicate ownership, do not attribute blame, focuses on behaviour, identifies the effect of behaviour, is direct and honest, and contributes to the growth of your relationship with each other.

I don't like having to repeat information. There are six assertiveness techniques - let's look at each of them in turn. It is a very useful technique when you first want to use "I" statements, as it helps dissipate any emotion associated with an experience and allows you to accurately identify the behaviour you wish to confront. This assertiveness technique allows you to feel comfortable by ignoring manipulative verbal side traps, argumentative baiting and irrelevant logic while sticking to your point.

To most effectively use this assertiveness technique use calm repetition, and say what you want and stay focused on the issue.

You'll find that there is no need to rehearse this technique, and no need to 'hype yourself up' to deal with others. This technique allows you to receive criticism comfortably, without getting anxious or defensive, and without rewarding manipulative criticism.

To do this you need to acknowledge the criticism, agree that there may be some truth to what they say, but remain the judge of your choice of action. This assertiveness technique seeks out criticism about yourself in close relationships by prompting the expression of honest, negative feelings to improve communication.

To use it effectively you need to listen for critical comments, clarify your understanding of those criticisms, use the information if it will be helpful or ignore the information if it is manipulative. This assertiveness technique lets you look more comfortably at negatives in your own behaviour or personality without feeling defensive or anxious, this also reduces your critics' hostility.

You should accept your errors or faults, but not apologise. Instead, tentatively and sympathetically agree with hostile criticism of your negative qualities. I don't always listen closely to what you have to say. When you feel that your self-respect is not in question, consider a workable compromise with the other person.

You can always bargain for your material goals unless the compromise affects your personal feelings of self-respect. So what about meeting in half an hour? Assertive behaviour is a useful communication tool. Its application is contextual and it's not appropriate to be assertive in all situations. Others need more practice. But everyone can improve. Start by considering which communication style assertive, passive, or aggressive comes closest to yours.

Then decide whether you need to work on being less passive, less aggressive, or simply need to build on your naturally assertive style. Even naturally assertive people can build and expand their skills. To work on improving a naturally assertive style:.

When you speak assertively, it shows you believe in yourself. Building assertiveness is one step to becoming your best self, the person you want to be!

Larger text size Large text size Regular text size. What Is Assertiveness? Here's what it means to be assertive: You can give an opinion or say how you feel.

You can ask for what you want or need. You can disagree respectfully. You can offer your ideas and suggestions. You can say no without feeling guilty. You can speak up for someone else. Why Does It Matter? Too Passive? Too Aggressive? Or Just Right? How do you know where you fall on the assertiveness scale? Here are some examples: Paula has a style that's too passive. Why Isn't Everyone Assertive? Here's how: Start by considering which communication style assertive, passive, or aggressive comes closest to yours.

To work on being less passive and more assertive: Pay attention to what you think, feel, want, and prefer. You need to be aware of these things before you can communicate them to others. Notice if you say "I don't know," "I don't care," or "it doesn't matter" when someone asks what you want. Stop yourself. Practice saying what you'd prefer, especially on things that hardly matter.

For example, if someone asks, "Would you like green or red? For example: "Can you please pass me a spoon? Give your opinion. Say whether or not you liked a movie you saw and why. If honesty really is the best policy, then assertive communication is the way to go. Passive communication often leads to white lies or lies by omission. Even if you do this to spare their feelings or prevent conflict, they may have a hard time trusting you again.

Aggressive communication, while not dishonest, can frighten or alienate others, which can also damage trust. Instead of passively agreeing to take on more work, you spoke up about your existing workload.

Maybe you could have completed everything to your satisfaction, but probably not without plenty of stress. Passive communication keeps you from stating your needs and sticking to your boundaries. This usually leads to stress, resentment, overwhelm, even burnout over time. Instead of supporting you, they might leave you to handle things on your own. What if you gave the friend who wanted to date your roommate an aggressive response? That would be terrible for me.

But if your friendship does end up suffering due to them dating, your frustration might grow until it explodes into a huge fight.

Annoyance toward them and yourself, for not speaking up often leaks out in passive-aggressive behaviors — slamming doors when you notice your friend and roommate together or making sarcastic remarks. Communicating assertively can do wonders for your self-esteem and increase satisfaction in your relationships. These techniques can help you get used to speaking up for yourself. Some people who have no trouble making opinions known to loved ones might struggle to advocate for themselves around new people.

Perhaps you feel confident sharing your thoughts with your romantic partner but communicate more passively with other people. Identifying these areas can help you take the first steps toward a more balanced communication approach.

Taking some time for self-discovery can help you get more in touch with your feelings. If you struggle to name them, try paying a little more attention to your internal experience each day:. Paying attention to situations where you stifle your instinctive response can also help.

But emotional awareness and assertiveness are skills that often develop together. Increasing emotional awareness can help you learn to recognize when to let something go and when to offer a respectful disagreement or compromise. Keep in mind they may say no — everyone has the right to refuse. Even so, simply making the request could begin a conversation that leads to a good compromise.

I-statements focus on your needs and feelings, rather than assuming those of others. How about next weekend? Getting comfortable making requests and expressing your opinions to family and friends can help you prepare for more difficult conversations, like those that might come up at work.

If you tend to lean toward more aggressive communication, ask loved ones to help point out when they feel attacked or unheard.

This can help you recognize when to tone down your approach.